Logline
A young Irish Adonis takes the New York Gaelic football world by storm and discovers a dark secret behind his powerful benefactor.
Synopsis
Dan Ryan, 22, is the best Gaelic football player in the worst county in Ireland.
After a hopeless campaign of losses, it’s time for a change. “The Stone Throwers Gaelic Football Club” in New York invite him to play for the Summer and arrange flights, accommodation and a job. Courtesy of prominent club patrons Conor and Shirley O’Brien.
“Our home is a homosexual-free area”, explains Conor when Dan arrives.
Dan is definitively heterosexual. His masturbation stimulus material is LinkedIn profiles of powerful women. His good looks and impressive dimensions light up the Apps; he can’t believe the endless opportunities in NYC for casual sex and dives in headfirst.
Dan’s attractiveness doesn’t go unnoticed by Shirley, who wonders why she never sees him with any girlfriends. She asks Dan if he is homosexual.
“How can I know for sure?”
With abandoned fervour, she demonstrates how they can be sure. Repeated daily.
Dan works hard in Conor’s business, Commanding Flags Ltd.
On the Gaelic pitch, Dan transforms The Stone Throwers into a winning force.
A teammate mentioned to Dan how he had placed an order for rainbow flags but was told the process couldn’t handle that mix of colours. Dan senses something isn’t right. He discovers that Commanding Flags is secretly rejecting LGBTQ+ orders and funding Gay Conversion Therapy, which, being illegal, is renamed Realignment Retreat.
They track down a teenager who had been ‘volunteered’ for Realignment. Conor O’Brien’s role, it seems, is to check if the treatment has worked by trying to seduce the ‘patient’. Autoerotic asphyxiation, it also turns out, is easy to record on video without the recipient being aware as they are busy trying not to suffocate.
Two weeks later, the Gay Pride Parade takes place. But this year, miraculously, it has a new sponsor: ‘Commanding Flags. Proud sponsors of Gay Pride.’
By the Summer’s end, The Stone Throwers are champions of New York. Dan, the club’s superhero, is ready to return home. Before he leaves, Conor and Shirly announce they have some amazing news. In his mysterious ways, the Lord has planted the seed of life inside Shirley. It seems they are to have their very own baby Gaelic footballer.